Jamie encouraged me to get an Apple Watch after I finished chemo so that I could track my activity without overdoing it. When he set the activity parameters, he did so knowing that I was pretty deconditioned. I didn’t really know how to use my watch, I mainly used it initially to keep track of my heart rate and occasionally use the EKG feature, and of course to tell time (or at least to see how late I was to things). But low and behold, I would get nice little buzzes on my wrist telling me how well I was doing, reaching my move or stand goals. Occasionally, it would tell me to do some deep breathing, and I would think, “Wow, either this watch really knows when I’m upset and is telling me to calm down, or I’m just always upset.”
The other day, we were talking about if we were achieving our move goals, and I proudly said that I was super active and always getting buzzes telling me I reached my goals daily. Jamie revealed that he set my bar pretty low in the begining, and that mine was set at 250 calories while his was set to 450 calories. So basically I was killing it at a nursing home resident standard, but as an active adult in her 40’s, I was just above the level of eating bon-bons on the couch and taking bathroom breaks. Well, I was not having it. I’m too competitive to have Jamie at 450 calories and me set at a lower standard. I upped my move goal (just kidding, I didn’t know how to use my watch…Jamie did it for me), and now we are equals.
Since the increase in the movement goal, I’ve had several arguments with my watch. I’ll get reminders that it’s time to get up, and I’m like, “Screw you, you get up and feed the kids.” Or suggestions to take a 9 minute brisk walk, and I’m like, “Bitch, I just went grocery shopping with 2 kids who were fighting over who got to push the cart and smashed it in my ankles 208 times! Don’t tell me to take a brisk walk! You take a brisk walk!” Or telling me to take a few deep breaths, and I’m thinking, “You don’t know me, don’t tell me how to calm down.” Needless to say, it’s been a rocky few weeks with my watch. What’s worse is that around 10pm when I see that I have 50 calories left before I meet my goal, my dumb ass is climbing up and down the stairs instead of getting ready for bed, just so I could get that final validating buzz that yes, I was an active human today.
As incredibly smart as this watch can be with all its bells and whistles, alas, it was not created by a stay-at-home mom. If it was, there would be a feature on it that measured how many calories were burned from yelling at the kids, breaking up fights, pulling weeds, folding clothes, doing dishes, or sending angry texts to her spouse. I know I am expending calories from those things because by the end of the day (let’s be real, by 4pm), I am totally exhausted. How defeating it feels when, after an entire day of taking care of the kids and the house, all I see is 17% of my activity rings closed. To feel the watch giving me a thumbs down is a real downer sometimes. If someone just invented a mom watch that calculated the true work we do around the house, school, and community, despite the small number of steps it actually takes to complete the work, there’d be some really proud moms out there. And instead of light buzzes from the watch to indicate that you achieved your daily mom goals, you’d get an instant shot of espresso or booze directly shot up in your veins. Come on, Apple, get to work! Till then, everyone should just tell their favorite mom buddies that they are the shit, and the work we do is immeasurable, no matter what that damn watch tells you!
The Mundame 