#Goals

My ever-evolving husband, dedicated to self-improvement and living a fulfilling life, suggested last year that we set personal and family goals at the beginning of every year. My complacent ass looked at him with confusion. I tried to use the cancer card to get out of it because it sounded challenging, but it didn’t work. I asked if Netflix could be involved in my goal setting, and he said no. I asked if I could set goals for him instead (like he should clean more); also no. So I agreed to set goals for myself, and then we set goals for the family. It was actually a good practice, and it gave me some things I should focus on throughout the year.

While it was an excellent activity at the time, I quickly forgot that I even set goals. I don’t think I even opened the note I wrote my goals in after that day. And then January 2020 came along and Jamie suggested we look back on the goals we set for last year to see how we did. The mere suggestion caused my armpits to sweat because I was pretty sure I didn’t do a ton of growth. Correction, I did some growth during the year, but in pounds and inches (not the kind of growth anyone sets goals for). But what the hell, might as well look to see if there was any progress made. To my dismay, I only met 2 out of 6 personal goals, partially met 3 by accident, and completely ignored 1. For our family goals, we did not meet any of the 5 goals we set, but at least made a half-assed effort towards 1. We set 2 house goals, which were both met, but only because we hired people to do the tasks for us. And, surprise surprise, we also failed our 2 couple goals. We stink.

I definitely felt disappointed for doing such a shitty job on myself and the family. However, I did apply the cancer card with great success, stating that it was a year of healing for all of us. And it wasn’t just an excuse, it really did take a lot longer to get things in regular working order after all my treatments were finished. So we get a pass for 2019. It wasn’t even a wasted year, as we still made a lot of changes in our personal and family lives. Our focus may have been a little broader and general than we had intended, but nonetheless, the gains we made were still valuable. And hey, we’re all still here and alive and well, so overall it was a successful year.

So here we are now in the middle of January 2020. The Christmas stuff is put away, the house appears bare and non-festive, and we are back to our regularly scheduled programs. For a week or two, I haven’t been stressing over any up-coming events or projects. The calendar is full but manageable. The kids are lovingly tolerable. I should feel great and relaxed, but I don’t. There is an eerie quiet in my brain, and it makes me uncomfortable. As many parents know, when it is too quiet, oftentimes something is up (usually a kid drawing on the walls with a sharpie while the other plays with toilet water). If I listen closely, I could hear a voice saying, “Goals, bitch, write your goals!” I know deep down the universe is opening up this opportunity for me to use this quiet time to be introspective and make meaningful goals for the year ahead. It’s saying, “Come on, Ely, it’s time to take a good look at yourself and make a plan to be better and create a more fulfilling path for you and your family.” Yes, universe, I hear you. Let’s do this.

Yet what do I decide to do with my quiet time? I binge watch “You,” followed by “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” followed by “Don’t Fuck With Cats.” Don’t worry, it’s all for research purposes towards my goals. I’m happy to report that for 2020, none of my goals entail becoming a stalker, murderer, or Jewish comedian. Next up, I need to catch up on “This Is Us” to learn about family dynamics under stressful conditions…just kidding, I just want to look at Justin Hartley and hope that he takes his shirt off or cries. What can I say, I put the “pro” in “procrastinate” (also the “crass,” and perhaps lately even the “ate”).

The truth is, being introspective is challenging. It’s not easy to be brutally honest with yourself, to admit to some of your shortcomings, or to see the areas in yourself that need a lot of work. Setting goals for myself means there are improvements that need to be made. Setting goals means I have to put forth a meaningful effort towards something other than binge watching shows while the kids are in school. Setting goals for myself means that I’m opening doors to both growth and failure. And failure sucks. It’s so much easier to be comfortable with where I’m at now, to live a “whatever happens, happens” life. But noooo, Jamie won’t let us. His commitment to personal development is such a pain in my ass (perhaps a firmer ass by the end of the year if I reach my health and fitness goals).

Last year’s time of healing and regaining physical and emotional stamina was challenging, and it helped change my perspectives on health, parenting and relationships. Although I’d give myself a fat F in last year’s goal achievement, I don’t feel like a total failure, and I don’t intend on being too hard on myself. I’m going to use some of my failed goals as a guide to setting this year’s goals, and change my focus to be one for rebuilding and remodeling various areas of my life. I won’t share my goals here, mainly because I don’t have any yet, but also because they are for me and my family (yes, I actually keep some things private). Mind you, I’m not trying to make this massive self-transformation, like giving up speaking in the name of world peace. Hell, I can’t even give up swearing for Lent successfully. Some of my goals might be as small as reading an actual book (Facebook is not a book) or doing a puzzle with a few friends, maybe a game night with Jamie during the week if he promises to not always beat me. It’s just about time well spent and giving my actions a little more purpose behind them, instead of feeling like I’m floating along. I have to remind myself that it’s not just about achieving my goals, but even more importantly, being aware of and committed to the process because that is when changes happen. My hope is that once I put pen to paper and write my goals, the process will take off. Ugh, why is my pen next to the tv remote? Why is “Fleabag” so easy to watch? Why does “Shameless” have 10 seasons? Oh the challenges that lie ahead for 2020. Must. Write. Goals.